Weekly Update…But Not a Normal One

Hello, Readers. This won’t be like my normal updates. No worries, this isn’t an update of impending death, but one with pain and struggles that I’ve battled with my entire life. As I pen this, I am unsure of how much I’m wanting to discuss within a single blog post.

Uncertainty, indecisiveness, self-doubt, feelings of worthlessness…these are issues that I deal with, almost, daily. Some days are worse than others and, sometimes, those days stretch into a week or more. This is a large reason why my posts are so sporadic. I have spent the last few weeks struggling with depression and anxiety. That is why my posting here and on social media has been few and far between.

Unfortunately, antidepressants are not an option. I get violently ill when I take them with symptoms similar to someone going through massive detoxing or withdrawal. I get cold sweats, migraines, and severe vomiting. This reaction has forced me to find other ways to cope with these issues. My wife and I have been working on a way I can heal from the root cause of these issues. They stem from 35 years of gaslighting and other forms of narcissistic abuse. I constantly had my thoughts, insights, and feelings invalidated which has caused massive issues of feeling that I don’t matter and have no value, which definitely makes the imposter syndrome with writing nightmarish. Usually, when my posting becomes irregular is when I’m struggling with these issues. There have been some changes in my life over the past year that have been very triggering and has led to a higher frequency of battling these issues.

To grow in strength, you must be calculating in your re-approach to a problem following a failure. There is no benefit or change when charging back in without a reevaluation. Through all of this, I have lost focus on my passion for writing. With book sales and page reads being practically zero (with the exception of two books sales this month) for the last few months, I have started to reevaluate my efforts and possibilities.

I have written a single handwritten page over the last week. On the reading front, I’ve read about 100 pages or more. I am in the process of getting two new pages added to the site with Amazon Affiliate links to products and books that will be, or have been, reviewed on the site. I’ve also started skimming through the writers market book to maybe start freelance writing short stories for publications. This would not only bring in a little extra, but also get my writing more exposure and draw in new readers. I am also contemplating selling signed paperback copies of my books through the website.

That is pretty much the update for this week. My apologies for the lengthy post, but I felt you, as the reader, had a right to know the cause of my sporadic posting. I will try and get a review post made on Thursday or Friday. Have a safe week everyone.

If you are struggling with mental health issues, don’t be afraid to reach out for help. There are plenty of numbers you can call or professionals you can see for help. Things are tough from time to time; It’s a part of life and change. That doesn’t mean you have to do it without addressing issues that are making it more difficult. Take care of yourself and always know that you matter.